Friday, 2 September 2011

Battling Confidence!

I grew up with terrible confidence issues, I was this insecure shy little girl, that just liked to hide in the corner and never take a risk
and was too scared to venture life, I was too scared to talk to people and I thought they wouldn't like me anyway
it didn't help when people used to bully me, call me names... call me ugly and hated on me for no reason, it was hard for me to make friends... and unbelievably hard to just talk
Throughout my whole school life I never had a stable friendship with anyone... I guess moving around from houses to pubs around the country didn't help...
I remember one day living a way away from my home town and we were about to move back, a girl told me 
'never come back no one likes you'
this tore me to shreds but I was determined to prove her wrong... but alas my determination wasn't enough
my shyness took over and as that girl said... no one liked me
But I stayed strong and I carried on... I travelled through school basically alone... yeahh I had the friends 
who tried to be there for me ... but they all disappeared over time ... it wasn't their faults bless them
it was mine... I was too shy... scared I'd push them away... and with my fear I did... and they began to dislike me because of it.
but I also just had people who genuinely didn't like me... said I was a geek... a freak... a loner with no friends... 
I guess it was true I was ... but I was also this shy girl who didn't know how to raise her voice I tried so much... but everything I did failed
and as the years of secondary school went on... I got a bit better... but I still wasn't the best.. still shy and quiet too scared to make an effort
thinking everyone disliked me all the time... thinking I was this little ugly girl that no one liked... it was attached to my mind
year 11 came and I was improving a hell of a lot it was more in the year 2010 that my confidence started rising that little more... but at the beginning of the year I had a big fall out with a lot of girls... 
Over a reason... as of today I still don't know, they tried to get alot of people to hate me
but it didn't work on everyone... I did have a few girls who were lovely enough to see the stupid side of things and thought it was a bit ridiculous... and they actually understood my side...
Though they stood up for me I was still alone... I finished school alone went to prom alone... wow I sound so sad... I promise the story gets better!
after Prom was when my confidence rocketed! 
I felt more confident with myself and I began getting friends who actually wanted me around I was 'happy'
and I was so much so That I was given the name 'Smiley Erin' I was loving life, I was loving my hair and I was happy with myself
yess I still had my down times but hey that's life!
My confidence began to drop again as my acne started becoming worse... and I started putting on weight and I just started hating myself, I had some very supportive people around me... but I also began to lose friends again as well, and Depression set in
I was then put on Special medication for my acne... and things only got worse from there I started feeling alone, I felt depressed and I started losing emotions... like love... fear, sadness and happiness... But I fought through the 6 months of treatment... and now I'm soaring high once again!
I am now regaining happiness... regaining confidence... and it also feels like I am more confident then ever... I've switched my diet around and I've started looking after myself and just being happy... and I've started gaining friends again..
I can already see though it's so close to the end of the year... but these last 4 months will be amazing!

1 comment:

  1. Erin i've got to say this... i'm so sorry that i wasn't there for you when all the girls fell out with you. i took no ones side and had no idea what was going on. i should of spoke to you :/
    you're actually amazing :) your so brave to put about the issues you've had.. i'm too nervous to right about my biggest issue which i really need to get my head around it :/ thanks for the talk yesterday was nice to chat :)